[OPINIÓN] Happy Birthday: Cantos espontáneos

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El cortometraje va más o menos así:

8am. Alumnos de segundo de secundaria murmuran dentro del salón. Al parecer ese día cumple años el profesor más tímido y a la vez más severo que tienen. Él se acerca por la arquería del patio sin poder evitar el crujir de sus zapatos. Ni bien cruza la puerta del aula, los alumnos entonan: “¡Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…” El profesor intenta interrumpir el canto mediante aspavientos, suelta el tono de voz más chillón que guarda para casos como este: “Gracias. Está bien. Ahí nomás.” Ellos sin hacerle caso, continúan y concluyen: “…Happy Birthday, profesoor, Happy Birthday to you”.

El agasajado agradece nuevamente, pero de inmediato llena la atmósfera de advertencias, anuncia amonestaciones a quienes den muestras de mala conducta. Aprovechando una de las pausas de la consabida introducción, uno del fondo tararea en tono dominante y ascendente: “Taran tarán tantán…” y como si esto hubiera sido perfectamente ensayado, todos siguen al unísono más palmas: “Cumpleaños feliz, te deseamos a ti…” El profesor queda inmóvil, muy molesto grita: ¡Basta! Los alumnos siguen: “Cumpleaños felices…” y concluyen con un efecto allargando: “… Te deseaaamooos aaa tiii.” (Aplausos). El profesor permanece petrificado, su gélida parálisis establece un silencio amenazante por largos minutos, hasta que por fin, cuando el aula queda totalmente muda, él retoma su introducción y da su clase de historia.

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9am. El profesor sale hacia otro salón donde le toca dictar, los alumnos parecen comentar orgullosos su performance inicial, mientras el sonido del calzado del profesor va decreciendo hasta que supuestamente llega a la siguiente aula, desde allí se oye el inicio de otro Happy Birthday. Mientras aquí todos ríen, ingresa al aula otro profesor, el de matemáticas. Sin que nadie haga una señal, algunos de la clase inician un nuevo Happy Birthday como chiste, el nuevo profesor se ríe y explica que no es su cumpleaños haciendo a la vez un no con su dedo índice. Los demás alumnos se suman al canto y la intensidad sonora coral aumenta.

El profesor de matemáticas sin dejar de sonreír lleva su índice a los labios en señal de silencio, los alumnos acatan el gesto de buen modo. Se oye un lejano Happy Birthday, esta vez las voces provienen de un tercer salón. Todos, incluido el profesor estallan en risas y él pregunta: ¿Qué pasa?¿De quién fue la idea? En eso suenan nuevas versiones, una desde un cuarto salón, luego desde un quinto. Los alumnos se relajan mucho, el profesor los amenaza de buen humor con un examen oral imprevisto y la clase continúa. De vez en cuando surge un nuevo Happy Birthday de cualquier salón de la secundaria. A media mañana, con el timbre de recreo, se oye desde los parlantes la voz de una autoridad del colegio ordenando que todos vuelvan a sus aulas, que el recreo se suspende debido a la insolente muestra de coordinación coral dada por todos los salones.

12m.Timbre de salida. Los alumnos corren a sus puestos en el patio. Formación general previa a la salida. Se desata un gran Happy Birthday de corte maestoso, hasta los profesores más serios celebran la conexión musical de esa mañana. Aparece el director del colegio a quien todos reflejan temer. Sube al estrado y se detiene frente al micrófono, es un Führer sin bigote. El silencio que éste impone podría calificarse de digital, sin embargo, alguien se atreve a reiniciar la canción del día, algunos se animan a seguirlo con timidez. El director aullando trata de descubrir quién abre la boca, da señales de ojos y cejas a los auxiliares y brigadieres de cada salón, ellos circulan para descubrir quiénes cantan. Conforme ellos se acercan o se alejan los alumnos callan o cantan. Cuando el gran Happy Birthday parece ya perder vigor, los espíritus de la madre música y del abuelo humor dan una última iluminación a los jóvenes cantantes para continuar la exitosa tonada en una versión más tranquila, carente de letra, usando las narices y a todo pulmón: “Humhum humhum hum hum. Humhum humhum hum hum. Humhum humhum Humhum humhum. Humhum humhum hum hum.”